Tag: faith

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I Want To Know God’s Will

“I want to know God’s will.”

A household expression within Christian circles that I am sure we’ve all either said or heard. It has evolved into our prescribed answer for questions about the future or even about today — this very moment. It acts as our antidote for uncertainties and for not being able to make decisions.

I dare say it has become our excuse for inaction.

I believe we say this not because we want to undoubtedly know God’s will. We say this because we want to either ignore what is before us or to “safely” escape from not doing what we already know we should be doing. We give this Christianese alibi to avoid carrying out a step of faith. Continue reading “I Want To Know God’s Will”

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I Desire Mercy And Not Sacrifice

“What if a drug-addicted prostitute came to church and sat beside you one Sunday, how will you feel?”

This question lingered in my mind since my husband raised it during his message a few Sundays ago. I mulled it over and contemplated how I would react if this did happen to our church. After several days of ruminating on it, I came to a definite conclusion.

I am ashamed to admit: I believe her presence would make me feel so uncomfortable and compel me to move away from her. I would probably pretend she is not there or most likely not even talk to her. I might even be offended by her presence.

I asked myself, “Why?” The answer, “Pride.”

Pride because I deem myself better for not committing sins as “big” as hers. Pride because I estimate myself “superior” compared to her for not stumbling over vile sins of the flesh (as if all sin is not sickening to God). (Really, the keyword here is “compare.” Comparing myself to others readily spurs my arrogant heart to either false humility or false superiority.)
 Continue reading “I Desire Mercy And Not Sacrifice”

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When All Is Well

Last night, I read an encouraging blog that a friend shared on her wall. It talked about how easy it is to praise God when all is well in your life, and how we question if God is even there when we are suffering. Then it went on about how God is always there with us no matter our circumstances; that fear should not be our response but faith in His love for us.

I totally agree with the writer of the blog; but it did get me into a train of thought about what if suffering isn’t actually a praise killer but a trigger. Continue reading “When All Is Well”

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A Humbling Lesson and A Note of Thanksgiving

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Being in ministry is tough. It has its own form of challenges unique from what I have gone through as a fulltime classroom teacher.

A friend once asked me the struggles I have with being in fulltime ministry, the major things I have a hard time adjusting to. I have thought of these struggles, but I have never really opened up much on this subject or carefully reflected on it. Her question made me uncomfortable but it allowed me to be honest to myself.

It set in motion a necessary introspection. Continue reading “A Humbling Lesson and A Note of Thanksgiving”

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On Gratitude

by vol25 on www.etsy.com (Click on the image to go to vol25's page.)
by vol25 on http://www.etsy.com (Click on the image to go to vol25’s page.)

I have been thinking. A lot lately.

I have been restless and unable to put pen to paper. For weeks now, enduring this inexplicable burden I feel, I have tried to write to release me from my thoughts. Yet I can’t seem to construct a sentence I didn’t want to throw out the window. It all seems off. I kept waking up in the middle of the night with incoherent thoughts running wild and in all places.

With rain that seems to always find its way to Krabi more often than not these days, I contemplate even more. It gives me this calmness that allows me to gather my thoughts. I love rain. I am thankful for it. With it, I feel God’s embrace; I sense the familiar surge of gratitude rise up in my soul reminded of His unending grace. But something appears conflicting even as I whisper a prayer of thanks for it. Continue reading “On Gratitude”

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When Death Seems the Only Option

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Hungry and talking about what food to eat, Jason and I were oblivious to what was awaiting us just a few minutes later.

Laughing gaily in our car on our way to one of our favorite restaurants from our prayer meeting at church, we were both in a very light mood totally refreshed from the time of prayer we spent together with fellow Christians. We were on a quite familiar road that we’ve passed through more than a hundred times since we came here in Krabi. It is a narrow, utterly dark two-way street that is littered with fast-moving cars, motorcycles with broken taillights, and tuk-tuks (a three-wheeled motorcycle that is commonly used as transportation means by many Thais and tourists alike in the area.) We have become well-acquainted to this labyrinth on the road and have learned to navigate around it. We were not expecting anything more unusual than it already is from what we are used to, not expecting more than blinding headlights coming right at you or motorcycles driving on the wrong side of the road. These are ordinary occurrences here. Continue reading “When Death Seems the Only Option”

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In Running After My American Dream

A few weeks ago, a friend left for the States on a new teaching opportunity. She is not the first one of my friends to leave for the US after I myself left my hometown for Windsor, North Carolina. Yet for some reason I seem to be re-living that episode in my life when I found out about her trip. I began retracing my steps from where I am now to my journey not too long ago.

My father was the one who sowed the seed of the American dream in me. I was in high school when he showed me a newspaper article about how American schools would need foreign teachers to come and teach in the next few years. He said if I decide to be a teacher, this can be my chance to go and have a better life.

I came from a financially struggling family. So I wanted that better life, the American dream, but I wasn’t sure about the teaching part.
Continue reading “In Running After My American Dream”

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The God Choice

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Yes, that familiar fork in the road where you have to choose only one path.

The dilemma is never choosing between a good choice and a bad choice. Whenever faced with that question, we can easily pick one. The dilemma lies when you have to choose between two good options, two sound choices.

So, which one?

I make plans. That’s what I do. As a teacher, planning is a skill I have mastered so well I use it in every aspect of my life — including my relationship with Jesus. I had lofty dreams for Him; big plans of what I can accomplish for Him. Continue reading “The God Choice”

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Staying

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“Yes, I am staying.”

After watching a video, I found myself uttering these very words to myself fully convinced that I am called to stay — in church.

I am not foreign to the cycle of excuses we often throw people or ourselves about leaving church. These excuses span from petty grievances on what carpet color to use or justified cries on the hypocrisy that exists in a group of imperfect people gathering together.

Church is boring. Church music is not modern enough. Church is so uptight.

Or, me and God, we have our own thing. I can pray and worship God at home. I can do church with my TV. Continue reading “Staying”

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Go Left (A Luke 10 Journey)

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Photo Source:  www.sheepy.me

Leave at 8 in the morning.

Go left.

That was all Andreas, Cristo, and Anica knew when they stepped out of their guesthouse in Krabi town yesterday after praying where to go and leaving everything they own. With no money and no clothes, except the ones on their backs; and knowing nobody in a strange town where hardly anyone speaks English, they faithfully walked in the words of Luke 10 waiting for the Lord to show them their man of peace. Continue reading “Go Left (A Luke 10 Journey)”