Today is our 3rd year anniversary.
And for some reason, within the last few days, I keep reading blog posts, essays, and articles about love and marriage more so than anything else. I reckon it’s that season for me where the big theme is on this unquenchable subject on love. Or maybe my attention on this topic is exceptionally heightened during this special time of the year. Either way, I really find love and marriage a stimulating motif for discussions. So, I delve in and read a substantive amount of written works about it.
Although, I have long woken up from my vivid dreams of the so-called ‘perfect love affair’ with ‘the one’ and abandoned lies about love and marriage I have held for so long. I think it is worth dissecting to grow more and to pass on what I learn: not only to my children one day but to women I know who are holding on to the same pattern of lies, dressed in different events, which I have gone through.
A few days ago, during our prayer meeting at church, my husband declared to our group that he is thankful for me, for our 3 years of marriage, and for God being our third strand in this beautiful union. He further said that without God he doesn’t think we would stay married.
I know, for some people, that declaration sounds extremely unromantic, but both him and I know only God could have sustained us in the last three years (and can sustain us in the years ahead.)
And yes, I agree that without God we would have already given up on each other. It would be the easy way out.
And yes, I find his announcement of this truth quite romantic in our own unconventional way of looking at things.
Don’t get me wrong. I love him very much. I miss him terribly when he is not around. I can’t imagine doing life without him. I am unashamedly attracted to him. My husband is the sweetest guy I have ever known. He never fails to make me laugh. To me, he is everything and more.
Yet even with how strongly I feel for him, it is not able to withstand on its own the fire of trials marriages go through. I have to confess that my love for him (or his love for me) will never be enough to carry us no matter what.
Only God’s love can do that.
I know this is contrary to what many believe or want to believe. We desperately want our love to be unwavering and sufficient to defend us from all odds. I know this to be true because I have been in several relationships where I always relied on ‘our love’ for each other to support us through thick and thin; these relationships failed miserably despite how hard I attempted to keep them going.
We think that our love is adequate. But overtime, we realize it never is.
It never will be.
In my past failed relationships, I knew I held them in a broken way. I knew whatever was broken could never be fixed with how I felt for the person or how he felt for me, no matter how pure and how forceful. I knew that there had to be more than just me and the other person loving each other. I knew that if I ignored the signs that something had to change, my relationships would only continue to disintegrate like they always do—unending cycles of failure.
And so, I began praying for the man I will marry. I prayed for only one thing, that he love God above all else. All the other qualities are just icing on the cake. Because, finally, I grasped that God was the missing element in all of my unsuccessful endeavors on love.
Without Him, they were en route to collapse.
I am not expert on marriage. I doubt 3 years or 25 years will ever make me one, but I do know one thing: when you and your better half seek the Lord more and become closer to Him, you cannot help but be drawn closer to each other. You will, as a byproduct of your relationship with the Lord, be strengthened in your marriage.
Our hearts are already severely bruised and tattered from this love journey. Lives ruined and our children in pain because of it. Some have already given up on it altogether. Some have decided to just endure it. Some have unknowingly given in to the lie chasing that elusive ‘perfect love affair’ from one person to the next.
You can stop here and now; look to the Lord. Seek Him first. Let His love be your guide and your strength.
When you cultivate your relationship with Him and grow deeper in your love for Him, you will sense God’s trustworthy hand working in your marriage. Needless to say, He will be the unbreakable cord that will bind your love for each other. Even with how imperfect you two are and how rough the road you tread, He will undoubtedly get you through with much joy and love for each other, for your children, and for the people around you.
When you hold on to Him, His grace will abound.
Your marriage will become a stunning testimony of God’s grace and love as His ultimate plan for this sacred union is to display His glory and His love for the church.
Happy 3rd year Anniversary J! As I have said before, I am highly favored to have you as my husband. God has truly blessed me with a man who loves Him dearly. Under the Shadow of the Almighty, I know our love for each other and our marriage will flourish. And with the promise of His love and faithfulness, I am excited to see what He has in store for us in the years ahead! I love you. –kz
August 7, 2013
© 2013 Kezia Lewis. All Rights Reserved.