I have battled with insecurities, feelings of inadequacy and ugliness for as long as I can remember.
In those unpleasant moments I sometimes wonder, “Do other women feel the same way?” But a lot of times I just conclude, “I am all alone in this.” Often, consumed and blinded by the lies of what I feel, I become so self-absorbed seeing nothing but my own hurts and pains. It’s like I could not see pass my own nose. I seem to unwittingly surrender to the falsehood of my sentiment and pride; I completely succumb to the trickery of my emotions.
No, I am not trying to shame myself for the whole world to see. I know this is something you don’t admit to people especially when you are a Christian. Best to tuck it away neatly so no one would notice it. Except I know that I am not alone in this struggle even among Christian women.
I am publicly writing this not only because it’s true in my life but I also desire for other women to share in the victory I recently found in this area. Continue reading “From One Sister To Another: Glory Beauty”
A few weeks ago, a friend left for the States on a new teaching opportunity. She is not the first one of my friends to leave for the US after I myself left my hometown for Windsor, North Carolina. Yet for some reason I seem to be re-living that episode in my life when I found out about her trip. I began retracing my steps from where I am now to my journey not too long ago.
My father was the one who sowed the seed of the American dream in me. I was in high school when he showed me a newspaper article about how American schools would need foreign teachers to come and teach in the next few years. He said if I decide to be a teacher, this can be my chance to go and have a better life.
I came from a financially struggling family. So I wanted that better life, the American dream, but I wasn’t sure about the teaching part.
Continue reading “In Running After My American Dream”
Somewhere out there is my Mr. Right. When I find him, I will be whole and happy.
I know I bought this lie.
We have been inundated with movies and books brandishing fairytale-like love stories and insanely romantic love affairs filled with characters so in love and so “right” for each other; or preached at, by some of our churches and well-meaning Christian friends, that finding the “right Christian guy (or girl)” equals perfect happiness plus the assurance of a struggle-free marriage implying that Christians ought to have it all together. It is almost impossible not to think that we deserve the kind of love story portrayed in our modern-day media — that story with the right one — as we are skillfully bombarded with it daily. Our vision of marriage is that of a couple whose story opens with a great line and ends with an exceptional closing scene in which the length in between can be measured by the number of pages or hours. Continue reading “The Illusion of the Right One: How I Found Freedom from the Lie”