Sarah’s Mess

Last year, I had the rare privilege of studying women of the Bible with Chinese women in Beijing. We were cramped in a one-bedroom apartment not too far from where my team’s hotel was. I estimate there were about 25 ladies in that apartment, hungry for God’s word and thirsty for the Holy Spirit’s presence.

God uncovered Himself in that room. He was intense and forceful but sweet and gentle at the same time. His Presence was distinct and obvious.

Our team and the Chinese girls have never met prior to this gathering, but even though we were strangers from each other there was an air of familiarity and love among us. I know that’s difficult to comprehend. I can’t elaborate it more to make it less baffling. I think that’s the beauty of being sisters in Christ. We can have nothing in common and yet have everything in common because of Him. The bond we share is more intimate and stronger than any other for it is the blood of the Lamb coursing through our very souls.

It was in that moment of openness and vulnerability with fellow sisters that I felt God speak to me about the many messes I made in my life and how I was punishing myself for them over and over again. He spoke about how undeserving I felt to be a part of what He is doing in Thailand and how that is not the place where He wants me to dwell in.

He demonstrated to me that He chose me to be His child, that it’s not about what I am capable of but what He is capable of doing through me, and that I deserve to fulfill the role I currently hold in His ministry because it was Him who placed me here.

Now I have heard that many times over in many different occasions, but it was only then that I gained clarity over what it truly meant to see myself in the light of God’s faithfulness.

We were studying about Sarah when I experienced this clarity. Remember how Sarah took it upon herself to fulfill God’s promise to Abraham and gave her maid to him that she may bore him a child? That presumptuous act produced so much pain that we still feel even today. Yet we read later on in Hebrews God calling Sarah faithful.

By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. (Hebrews 11:11)

Sarah brought about so much chaos and confusion, but God still saw her as faithful. She made a mess but God still used her.

Seeing this gave me the assurance that even though I have messed up so much and will probably mess up again, He will not just drop me and give up on me. Instead, He will pick me up where I stumbled and use all of me to create something beautiful. It was through Sarah’s mess that I saw myself and how God can still redeem the many not-so-attractive attributes in me.

But our story doesn’t have to end where our mess began. We can allow God to shape life out of the wreckage and make our stories His story.

I am not excusing Sarah for what she did. God didn’t either. Many were affected because of what she had done. She faced the consequences of her actions. In the same way, we too will face the consequences of our foolish decisions and our desire to go ahead of God. But our story doesn’t have to end where our mess began. We can allow God to shape life out of the wreckage and make our stories His story.

In our feebleness and frailty, He can show Himself strong and capable; it is in His faithfulness that we have hope of being called faithful. I don’t know about you, but it will definitely blow my mind if God calls me faithful not because I am perfect and mess-free but because I let Him have His way in me.

By faith Kezia herself also received the strength to take the step in fulfilling His call, and she bore fruit leading others to Him, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. How awesome it would be if God writes this of me!

January 31,2015
9:03 p.m.
Krabi, Thailand

© 2015 Kezia Lewis. All Rights Reserved.