When Death Seems the Only Option

Hungry and talking about what food to eat, Jason and I were oblivious to what was awaiting us just a few minutes later.

Laughing gaily in our car on our way to one of our favorite restaurants from our prayer meeting at church, we were both in a very light mood totally refreshed from the time of prayer we spent together with fellow Christians. We were on a quite familiar road that we’ve passed through more than a hundred times since we came here in Krabi. It is a narrow, utterly dark two-way street that is littered with fast-moving cars, motorcycles with broken taillights, and tuk-tuks (a three-wheeled motorcycle that is commonly used as transportation means by many Thais and tourists alike in the area.) We have become well-acquainted to this labyrinth on the road and have learned to navigate around it. We were not expecting anything more unusual than it already is from what we are used to, not expecting more than blinding headlights coming right at you or motorcycles driving on the wrong side of the road. These are ordinary occurrences here.

Then Jason slightly moved to the right to avoid a tuktuk — they are super slow — and to eventually pass it.

I saw a flash of light reflected back on us from a man’s white shirt. And I screamed, “There’s a man!”

Jason, with his exceptionally good reflexes, jammed the brakes without hesitation. The tires rubbed extremely hard on the asphalt that our car rocked strenuously and came to a screeching halt.

It happened so fast, I thought we certainly hit him. Killed him. Only, we didn’t. Thank God, we didn’t.

The man just stood there in front of us, only a few inches from the hood of our car.

Unflinching. Unmoved.

He was staring at us blankly as if waiting to die. Planning to die.

My whole body shook uncontrollably. I almost forgot how to breathe. There was no commanding my tears. They had to fall to release me from the intensity of what just occurred. I don’t think I have ever felt completely out of place as I did tonight.

The insanity of it was that he seemed to want to die. I cannot fathom what could have driven him to be in the middle of the road waiting for his death. Some of my friends said that he wasn’t on his right mind. But even then, I cannot help but think of what could have pushed him to the edge.

Staring at this instance, I begin to ruminate on the reality of darkness in the lives of people. How many are there who are in the same state as this man?

The weight of this world can be so overwhelming; it can crush us to our demise if we let it. The appearance of hopelessness can lead us to conclude that this life isn’t worth living, but that is a lie.

A Lie.

Yet the lie is coated with a hint of truth, sometimes we do not see it for what it really is. We end up embracing it as our truth and give up. We let the darkness of this world swallow us whole. God help us from ourselves and help us see life as He does!

When death seems the only option, be reminded that we have Jesus.

No matter how dark our season is and it looks like we are falling deeper into the bottom of the pit every second of the day, He is with us. Most certainly, He is not going to leave us nor forsake us as He promised in His word.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Let our hopes be anchored in Him.

September 7, 2013
11:09 p.m.
Krabi, Thailand

© 2013 Kezia Lewis. All Rights Reserved.