Staying Married is Not About Staying in Love (from "This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper)

Marriage passes through breathtaking heights and through swamps with choking vapors.  It makes many things sweeter, and with it come bitter providences.      – John Piper


In a few days, Jason and I will be celebrating our second anniversary as a couple.  Still on the honeymoon stage, as many would say, and still such a young couple.  In some sense, that is true, but in another it isn’t. As you know, we moved to Thailand to obey the Lord’s call on our lives.  We are serving the Lord together in a very dark place, and are experiencing the effects of it on all sides of our marriage.  Good and bad.  But the best thing about it is that we have been brought to a different, very intimate height in our relationship not only with each other but, on a personal basis and as a couple, with our God.

We are young and still very much inexperienced in marriage.  We both know that we still have so much to learn, so much we don’t fully understand.  But one thing we do know is that marriage is the doing of God.  And ultimately, marriage is the display of God.  These are not my own words.  These are borrowed from John Piper in his book, “This Momentary Marriage.”  This is the foundation of marriage.  It exists for God’s glory.  Many of us forget that marriage is not just about two people coming together to share a life together, but it is about God joining two very imperfect people in one flesh.  That through marriage we may experience the beauty of God’s love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. 

Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to His redeemed people, the church.  And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream.  (Again, these words are borrowed from John Piper.) This, therefore, means that staying married is not mainly about staying in love, but most importantly, it is keeping covenant.  This also means that marriage is not held together by money, sex, kids, or jobs.  All good things, but also not strong enough to keep the joy and peace in our marriages.  Only God can fully satisfy us in all our needs.  Only God can truly sustain marriages.

We all have been lied to with our culture today of easy love and casual marriages.  We all have come to believe that marriage only lasts as long as these mushy, warm feelings in our hearts stay.  And when these emotions move on, we are left devastated and disillusioned.  Some have learn to stay in the marriage for the sake of it, others have learned to move on and find the “mushy, warm feelings” again with another person.  Only to find out that even with this person it will not stay on. 

Staying married is not mainly about staying in love.  It is about keeping covenant.  I hope we see that the main doer in marriage is God.  May we see it as the wonder God has created it to be; and may we live it as God has purposedly designed it to be.




Jason and I are currently reading the book, “This Momentary Marriage,” by John Piper.  I recommend it to everyone who is married and are seeking to be married one day.  I will be posting more about what we have learned from this book in the coming days.